Wearing Out

The weight of this winter has suddenly come upon me.  I am exhausted, I am ill, and I realize that nothing has changed since September when I set out to renovate my life.  If anything, it has worsened, and you can see it on my face.  Thus, it is time to try again.  I have found a guide that I have needed for more than a long time, and I have found motivation to do better.  The support I am getting is coming from all the places I wish it wouldn’t, but beggars can not be choosers.

My heart is somewhere it probably shouldn’t be…  The way feelings are not reciprocated, I should have learned my lesson a while ago.  I haven’t, however; I keep pushing, I keep putting up with.  To everyone else, it is a different story than it is to me.  I don’t know what to tell you, but if I’m “the best you can do,” and you actually mean that in a good way, then let the people you are just starting to talk to know that I’m the best.  Let them know how “great” I supposedly am, don’t just bitch and complain about me and make them think that your life sucks! Do you like the fact that I would get on my hands and knees for you? I spend most of my time trying to make you and myself happy, when how much do you try to improve upon my day, in means other than hateful snaps and your sadistic take on how everything that went wrong was my fault?

I just want the truth.  A better, brighter future has already been prepared for me and is a phone call away, but I choose to prepare one for myself.  Of course I take the difficult way out.